How I learned to love my wife… and still learning.

It is obvious that men have absolutely no clue as to how to love a woman. I’m no expert nor an experienced husband to be giving any advice, but what I will say comes from my experience during my courtship with my wife sprinkled with some words of wisdom from our loving parents. I know there any plenty of resources you can find with how-to guides, x number of things to do for your wife, and etc… but what I will attempt to say goes much deeper than just the acts of showing love.

When I started dating my wife, I did my best to pay attention to her. Whenever she wanted or needed something, I would be more than happy to get it for her. If she desired to have a nice and fancy dinner, I would gladly take her to her favourite restaurants. I bought her flowers, gifts, clothing, jewellery, accessories and any other thing she could or would want. She loved to read novels and I would make the effort find out which ones she had and which author’s books she enjoyed. I certainly spent a small fortune to show that I loved her very much… and yet, there were a times when she said she didn’t feel loved. She did tell me that she appreciates all the loving gestures, the gifts and the money I was spending on her. Yet, somehow it just wasn’t enough. I used to think that she was very demanding and she was constantly asking for more of me.

It took me years to even begin to understand how to show my love for her. Each time when she felt unloved, she would mention it and explain how she felt… and yet I just could not understand why she should feel unloved despite all that I tried to do. Truth is, I wasn’t really trying… or at least, I didn’t even know how to try to love her. After awhile, I just simply asked her what I should do and what I should have done to prevent her from feeling unloved. She told me simply, “think of me always”… which was exactly what I did. I thought of her daily and would constantly text her saying, “I love you” and, “I miss you”. After awhile she told me to stop… and I did not understand why… so she explained it to me again. She explained that what she meant was, I needed to think of her in my thoughts, in my actions and in how I go about my daily activities. Simply put, she wanted me to be thoughtful of her.

I just wish it were that easy to do. But as with a lot of things, practice makes perfect and I was determined to learn to love her the way she wants to be loved. That is the key when it comes to loving your wife… love her in a way she knows she is loved. To find out, simply ask her… then be patient enough to listen, determined enough to keep learning and humble enough to admit your mistakes and weaknesses. If she is unwilling to tell you, then you need to be patient and continue to convince her that you do want to learn to love her.

This coming 4th of February marks our 4th year together. The 10th of February will be our 3rd month as a married couple. To date, I have become better at identifying her moods, anticipating her feelings and learning to think before I act in consideration of her. I have also learned to accept and love her for who she is… and constantly tell her that I love her regardless of her appearance, mood or behaviour. My wife has her good days and some horribly bad ones. I’m thankful that God has granted me the grace to be patient with her during those down times. It started out terribly difficult for me to even be near her… but thankfully things are improving and God is helping me to mature a little more each day. I still desire to grow and learn to love her more. While I am able to be there with her regardless of how her day went or her mood, I still have plenty to learn about being a good comforter and encourager. My dearest Shir Li, I will keep growing and learning to be a better and more loving husband to you.

Coming up next in no particular order:

• Keeping promises
• How I proposed to my wife
• The most important thing I was looking for in a wife